Tuesday 5 April 2016

Sadness


I've been absent for a while. In early February my Dad was diagnosed with stage 4 bowel cancer, and we were told if he had chemotherapy that he had 18 months to live. He had his first chemo session on Wednesday 16th March, but 3 days later was very ill and was taken into hospital. It was hoped he'd only be in hospital for a few days and be home within the week. Sadly this was not to be - he went downhill very quickly and passed away peacefully on March 24th. We had his funeral yesterday.

My Dad was an amazing man, he suffered a lot with a neurological condition for 30 years which had caused him immense pain every day. Later he was in hospital for 6 months with lung problems, and in the last 2 year he had had prostate cancer which left his with a catheter permanently, and then he had skin cancer. In all that time I never ever heard him complain. Not once. He never let any of this get in the way of leading a full life, and indeed until November he was golfing three times a week. He always had a joke and a smile, and was simply adored by everyone who knew him.


Fortunately I had been able to fly over to NIreland to see my folks on 3 separate times in Feb and March, as I had a bad feeling about the cancer. I made my Dad a chemo blanket and am so glad I was able to give it to him while he was still here.

I'm absolutely devastated. There are no words to express the feelings of loss and grief. I can't believe he isn't here any more. It doesn't seem possible that he's gone.

Dad - you were, and remain, my hero, you were a wonderful person and I will miss you more than words can ever say xxxx

41 comments:

  1. Oh Jill, I'm so deeply sorry for your loss. You describe your father as such a lovely man. I do feel so very sorry for you and your family xx

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    1. Thanks Jo. It's very hard, I know it sounds naive but I had no idea how painful this is xx

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  2. I am deeply sorry for your loss. He must have been a wonderful man! The pain must be enormous, but I hope all those lovely memories will help you and your family cope.
    Lots of love, Anja

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  3. I'm so sorry to hear of your loss, thinking of you and all your family - he sounds like a wonderful man xx

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  4. My sincere condolences, it must be a terrible loss for you all. Take care.

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  5. So very sorry to hear this sad news Jill. My condolences to you and the rest of your family too. Your Dad sounds like a wonderful man, I am so sorry that you have lost him. Hugs and all of the very best thoughts to you. Let me know if you want a chat, you know where I am. xx

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  6. My prayers are with you and your family Jill. It is so hard when you lose a parent. I lost both of mine when I was 29 and had no idea what grief was until then. Please allow yourself time to bask in the good memories and cry when you need to. Your blogland friends are here for you whenever you need a listening ear. May God give you peace in the coming days.
    Blessings,
    Betsy

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  7. Jill the loss of a beloved parent really feels like a piece of your heart has been ripped out and leaves you somewhat adrift....I am truly sorry for your loss...talking, crying, remembering will all help you through your grief. Big hugs xxx

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  8. So sorry to hear of the loss of your dear father. Such beautiful memories you shared today. May your heart be lightened and may his memory be eternal. With my sincere condolences, Pat

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  9. So sorry to read of your loss. xx

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  10. So sorry to hear your sad news, what a rough he had, lovely blanket for him too. Keep strong and keep crafting

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  11. Very sad to read about the loss of your beloved Dad. My thoughts are with you at this difficult time. I lost my Dad 21 years ago to bowel cancer and he passed away 5 weeks after diagnosis. I know what you're going through. Xox

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  12. So sorry to hear of your loss. Nothing prepares you for the loss of a parent. Watching them decline tears your heart out. I lost my mother to leukemia and now my Dad is in the final stages of Alzheimer's. I certainly feel your pain. You are in my thoughts in this most difficult time.

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  13. Sincerely sorry for your loss Jill. Fathers live in their daughter's hearts forever! Hugs xxx

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  14. Jill, I'm so sorry for your terrible loss. Your dad sounds to be a very remarkable man. Take care.

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  15. Jill so sorry to hear you have lost your Dad to the evil curse of cancer.......sending huge cyber hugs........

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  16. So sad to read your news about your dear Dad.

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  17. So sorry to hear your sad news. It is never easy loosing a loved one but try and focus on all the good memories and how much he loved all of you that will bring you alot of comfort.

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  18. Dear Jill, I am so sorry for your loss. He sounds like a wonderful, strong, lovely man. He will always be with you in your heart.

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  19. So sad to hear of your loss Jill. You father sounds like a wonderful person!
    hugs

    Amanda

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  20. I am so very sorry for your loss. Hang in there.

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  21. I am so so sorry to read about your dad's death. He sounds like a really nice man. I am so glad he was able to enjoy the beautiful blanket you made for him. I am sure it was a great comfort to snuggle up in something his much loved daughter made. Love you you and your family. x

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  22. I am so sorry to hear of your loss. I am sending you a big warm hug over the air waves. ((hugs))

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  23. Jill, I am so glad you have such good memories of your dear amazing dad, that you were able to make those trips to see him and that you were able to give him the lovely blanket you made for him. You and your family are now and will be in my thoughts and prayers with love. xx

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  24. Dear Jill,

    So sorry for your loss and sending you hugs!
    Thinking of you,
    Ingrid xx
    Myfunkycrochet.blogspot.be

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  25. Oh my sweet Jill - I'm so sorry for your loss. I think it's wonderful you got extra time with him and were able to give him that beautiful blanket. May your memories of him and the love & support of family and friends lift you up during this difficult time. Sending you prayers of comfort and strength and lots of hugs too!! xoxo

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  26. This is so sad... I've lost my mother 4 years ago, she had pancreas cancer. I saw her get skinnier and sicker each day...
    It's been a while and I still miss her thoroughly.
    So Jill, take your time! The pain of this loss will never leave, but someday you may be able to smile again while thinking of your daddy. I hope you'll get many support in your environment.
    You dad seemed to be a real hero as you bescribe him. How strong he was, and brave! You should indeed be proud that he was your dad.
    A very big hug,
    Sigrid

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  27. Your dad does sound like he was an amazing person Jill. To have dealt with all of the illnesses and difficulties you described and still get about and be cheerful is something to admire. It's such a hard thing to lose a parent as they just seem invincible. Take comfort in the the fact that you were loved by such a wonderful father and that your kids knew him as well. My mother was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer and was gone in a few months. This was five years ago now ... oh! actually to this day ... I just realized :(
    I don't think I'll ever stop missing her, but the pain of her having gone has lessened now.
    Praying that you can find strength and comfort at this time.
    Hugs to you, Wendy xox

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  28. So sorry to hear about your dad, you must de devastated, take comfort from the wonderful memories you have of him, he will be in your heart forever and always be with you. Take care x x

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  29. Oh my dear friend, I am so, so sorry for you. No words are adequate to say at a time like this, know that I am keeping you and your family close to my heart. My Dad passed away 5 months ago, I can be happy in the fact he lived a very long life and was in good health right up until the end. It sounds like your Father was incredibly brave and wonderful, he would have to be to have such a generous and wonderful daughter.
    I am sending you a big hug, I hope you can feel it.
    Meredith

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  30. I'm so very sorry to hear your awful news, what a difficult time for you all and what an extraordinary man your dad was. I don't know if you use pinterest at all and will be able to follow this link but this is a poem/piece of writing that I have found particularly helpful over the years https://uk.pinterest.com/pin/291115563392109224/

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  31. I'm so very sorry to hear your awful news, what a difficult time for you all and what an extraordinary man your dad was. I don't know if you use pinterest at all and will be able to follow this link but this is a poem/piece of writing that I have found particularly helpful over the years https://uk.pinterest.com/pin/291115563392109224/

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  32. Jill, I am so sorry. This has never happened to me but I could feel your sadness in your words. See you around soon. Jo x

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  33. Jill, I am so sorry. This has never happened to me but I could feel your sadness in your words. See you around soon. Jo x

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  34. I am so sorry for your loss, Jill. He sounds like an amazing man, so I can see why you have a hole in your life.

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  35. Gosh, I am sorry to hear about your dad Jill, it was so quick wasn't it? But how lovely to have fantastic memories of him. Best wishes
    Caz xx

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  36. Ooh Jill, i am only reading this now; i am so terribly sorry you lost your dad....
    I wish you lots of warmth and strenght, big hug from Mirjam.

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  37. So sorry to hear about your dad Jill and can understand your feelings of devastation and grief as I lost my mum to cancer. Five years ago tomorrow she went into the hospice where she died. You never get over it but in time, the pain does get easier. x
    I do believe they are always with you. xxx

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  38. Jill, I am so sorry to read your bad news as I catch up with your blog. I hope you have found love with your family over the last month. Much love X

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  39. Jill, I am so sorry to read your bad news as I catch up with your blog. I hope you have found love with your family over the last month. Much love X

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Jillxxxxx